It's clear that I'm not

Is it because my soul is too free? Therefore, I put my feeling on someone. For the 1st time, I acted irrationally. Wonder how could I did it?! I must find out what is going on. I don't want to be trapped again.  


I tot we can meet each other in real life. Yet, we can only meet each other by phone. If one day, you lost my contact number, will you look for it? If one of us wanna disconnected with each other, it just piece of cake. Besides phone, no other. Feel like wanna disconnected with you before I get hurt. 


Told by someone that you shouldn't give up and you will success. But I don't want to do so as I don't aim for anything and I know it's impossible. Better for me to let go before it's uncontrollable. In my heart, there are two sounds. I knew the fact very clear, but I heard one voice which deny it. End up I will listen to it and deny the fact. 


It's clear that I'm not. Why I dare to say I am? Feel like I'm getting lost control recently. All my rational and maturity gone. I can only listen to the others. Perhaps, I should say someone. I want to be normal. Please stop torture my mind like this! I need a deep rest. At least allow me to sleep well for one night. 


Something changed between us and I dislike it. I think it's too late for me to reverse the condition to one week back. My mind is out of function. Need to be repair~