Sad Mode

Sad mode is on. Wondering why someone would treat her like that? She can't figure out how to prevent herself not to be used by that someone again and again. 

She hates to wait people yet she is willing to wait for that someone. She hates to be betray yet she forgive what that someone did to her. She dislike more and more. Yet, that someone did all these to her. How about her feeling? Did that someone think of it before? For sure, NO. Curious that someone treat her as what? Nobody or nothing?

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It's hard to recover when someone you care hurt you deeply and many times. Even though you are willing to forgive what he or she did, but you will still feel unwell. No matter how the body tissue attempted the wound, the pain will be there. Why would you hurt people that much while people did nothing wrong to you? I wish you can answer me all these questions. I wanted to know what is inside your "mighty" brain.

I hope I can escape from all these things. Do you know that? Why you're there? Why don't you stay in J city? I'm tired to being hurt and recover and repeating the same process for almost 5 years. If your purpose is to torture me, then I would like to congratulate you for did it successfully. Please let me go and stay away from me! I would like to choose not to have such people in my life if time go back to 5 years ago.

 

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Once again, I'm hurt. 

Once again, I'm recovering. 

Once again, I'm lose. 

Once again, I'm failed. 

Once again, everything backs to its original place.

Once again~

Hopefully

I know that isn't a good solution. That's why I hope that I'm the lucky one as usual. If not, big problem will be facing. I don't want those people around me headache for it. It's not a suitable timing.

Sorry for being selfish, yet, this will be the only way to make sure that everything is alright. I don't wish to spoil current situation.

May the condition I'm having now is the sign of being the lucky one. 

*Cross my fingers tight tight and pray for it.*

Tired

Miss those silent moment.

I wish to stay alone at my private corner.

If I can do something now,

I hope I can runaway from here immediately.

Reason?

I need some peace.

My Prince

Emo+ing since Monday afternoon.

I have cried in the lab class. Unable to against the gravity. Wonder my friends knew it or not. This is the 1st time I cried after I have my hair cut. Why I type this sentence? Anything special? Don't know. Just simply. I should be smart after so many time of lessons. Those people who will only look for you whenever they need help aren't a true friend. Felt unhappy for being used by someone. I should move on but not looking backward and expecting everything will remain the same.

Tuesday night, my friend asked me why I like Nicholas Teo? Well, I answered that Nic is better than someone. But she said anyone can be better than that someone. Whatever, no comment. Actually I don't know why I will like Nic that much. The moment he won the competition, I'm supporting him until now. During secondary school, I used to awake late in the night and emo for nothing. I will online and watch Smiling Pasta. Then, I will feel better. I like to see his smile. His smile has the strength to make people feel warm. Today, I watched Woody Sambo. Once again, his smile let me happy again.

My collection of Nic's music album.

Saw his signature? Special thanks to Cousin Kwok How who help me get it and bought his album for me. Get to know that Nic won't release his latest album this year. Quite disappointing. Tot of saving money to buy it. Yet, better for him to rest more. As once he starts to promote his album, he will be very very busy.

If I wear spec, for sure I will get a Phillip Morgan. If I wear watch, for sure I will get an Elba. Reason? Nic is the ambassador of these brands. Did you all noticed one of the door lift in Plaza Sungei Wang has his image? I'm looking forward to take photo in front the lift door. But too many people walk by and I'm afraid that the lift door will open. But I will look for the opportunity to do so. Wait for me ya, Nic.

P/S: Please ignore if you can't stand it. I know I'm a bit crazy of my PRINCE. =P

Private Corner

My room belong to mine now. Peace and quiet as usual. Not to say anything. Just that I need some privacy and private corner. Miss the time I have in Kampar. Oh my god, this is the N+1 times that I mentioned I miss Kampar. Can't deny the fact that Kampar is a good place to go home. Haha~ But I don't want to go home as certain reason. This week I might get a new mobile phone. If it's better than my current one, then I won't go home within these few weeks as I want to use it. Luckily that Uncle Peter won't know my plan.

Clap your hands for me as I didn't go Sungai Wang to join my friends after class. They are going to sing K at Aeon@Cheras Selatan and Connaught night market. I don't have the interest to sing K due to my poor vocal. So, better save my money to spend on other things. I always remind myself that my aim to here is study but not go out with friends frequently. I can relax by doing other things like read novel. Forget to mention that I bought 8 novels within 2 days. Left one book which I don't have the mood to flip through it.

I shall sleep early tonight. Maybe not as I need to do tutorial question. I will have 2 extra classes on Thursday and Friday. Since I have nothing to do here, better go attend class and let myself to study. However, I'm not feeling well these few days. Don't know what happen to me. I'm hungry but I don't want to eat. Any kind of phobia or weird disease? Whatever~

Thanks for caring me. Yet, I'm okay. Although not that okay, at least, better than Monday evening. I hate to act like that. Make condition become bad and cause those negative feeling in a hidden place overflow. I need time to fix this. Just let me be alone and I'll be okay soon. Trust me as I did this for more than 4 years. I'm looking forward for a day which I don't have to do so anymore. Crossing my fingers~